Poetry - Leather Apron Club

Poetry by Scott Perry

I turned 60-years-old on July 5th, 2020. I set out on a journey of self discovery by driving back and forth across the United States. I travelled through 29 states in 4 months and discovered my inner artist. One of the forms of art I discovered was poetry. I wrote 71 poems in 64 days while driving through the states. Here are those poems, presented chronologically as written, along with an explanation of the inspiration for each poem.

I always thought my Dad didn't pay much attention to me, or talk to me. I realized that I was wrong when I started remembering a few things that my mind would allow me to recall. I didn't like my Dad growing up because I couldn't understand him. Many of my poems reflect the desire to connect with my Dad, the greatest man I have ever known.

Dear Dad

July 15, 2020

Dear Dad, I saw, but could not see

The love I know you had for me

I see you still when I close my eyes

Your forehead smooth, calm in your eyes

Your lips, they move, but I realize

I still can’t hear what you have inside

Your silence, now, it draws me near

Your voice I truly want to hear

I hope the words I hear are true

I hope I hear you say “love you”
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Dedicated to Lonnie Robert Perry, Sr. 1927-1997

One thing I have always relied on is my faith in God. Naturally, my second poem had everything to do with listening to the good voices in my head.

The songs

July 15, 2020

I hear the songs that angels sing

My ears bring forth their beautiful ring

They ring of truth and trust and might

Full of strength and free of strife

Their thoughts are so articulate

Their beauty like an amulet

I hear them, but not with my ears

And never hear them through my fears

I pray their voices remain clear

So I survive and get out of here

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Self discovery isn't complete without facing one's flaws. My flaws are many, and I realized they were interfering with my marriage. This poem was to help me realize why I act the way I do sometimes.

Too many straws

July 15, 2020

A camel is strong and can carry much weight

Until his essence can carry no more

He will carry ten bales of hay as freight

But break his back with one straw more

I have turned a blind eye to ignorance and hate

For the entirety of my life

But after sixty years that have not been great

Every incident causes strife

I notice my anger will not hesitate

Especially with my wife

My changes to make will have to be great

Especially with my wife

Because only one way can I make my life great

By finishing it with my wife

Who, as it turns out is the one true love

Of …… My …….. Life

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Sarah and I are dedicated to helping homeless, homeless veterans, and the elderly that are forgotten by society and put in senior homes to wait for death. Our efforts to help the homeless in NC did not turn out as planned, but we still persevere.

If I have a gift

July 15, 2020

If I have a gift you’ve given me

Oh Lord, my God, please let me see

I see homeless children with no mother

I try to help; they say I smother

I offer soft; they want only hard

I open my doors; they prefer the back yard

I’m willing to do whatever I can

I try every day to make a new plan

I ask, dear Lord, direct my mind

To see the gift that I must find

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As an ADHD sufferer all my life, I ask many questions all the time, then I answer them. These are just a sample of the many questions.

Am I, I am

July 16, 2020

Am I a man, am I a Clown?

Am I the person falling down?

Am I an artist, mason, troll?

Am I the man that’s on the dole?

Am I the soul that takes a beating?

Do I fill the hole with the blood of the bleeding?

Do I see the good, the bad, the dull?

For me, I want to see it all

I am the man to sacrifice in order to save a stranger’s life

I am a man to extend a hand to lift your head and help you stand

I am a man that prays incessantly, to me it pays, it’s a necessity

I’ll insert my body into trouble because I know I’m in a bubble

I will never be afraid to die, the Lord is waiting in the sky

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We made many bold moves during this period. We sold our house, and everything we owned. I wanted to live in every state for a short period to find out if it would be a good place to relocate, Sarah did not want the same thing. As the poems progress you will see the ups and downs of that struggle put in poetry form. This one was a happy one.

I see her

July 16, 2020

I see her face most every ‘morn

Like a rose without a thorn

I see her heart, so big and full

When happy, she bounces just like a ball

I see her strength as it grows each day

I look into her eyes and honestly say

“I love you more, dear, every day”

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I use the metaphor of a long hallway with doors on either side to describe how I store and recall memories. As I search my inner thoughts and wonder who I am, I liken it to walking down that hallway.

Who am me

July 17, 2020

I look inside, what don’t I see?

It are not you, but who am me?

I walk the hallways of my mind

The doors now open from behind

They close too quick, before I see

the secrets they reveal to me

Some doors stay open, they I know

Some doors are shut, may they stay closed

Some doors are dark and don’t appear

Some doors have life, I draw them near

Some door events are wild and crazy

Some door events are Purple Hazy

Some doors have people from the past

Some doors have folks I wish would pass

All doors have one thing common, though

I noticed while pacing to and fro

The latches have a secret code

A code that only I can know

I knew the code when I was free

But now I wonder, who am me?

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I realize at 60-years-old I have learned a great deal of things. I also realize there are just as many things that I still have to learn. Here I took stock of that knowledge.

I know enough

July 17, 2020

I know enough to know

I don’t know enough to know

I know enough to see

Not what’s inside of me

I know enough to tell

That I’m not yet in hell

I know enough to think

The world is on the brink

I know enough to share

With anyone who cares

I know enough to minister

When others are quite sinister

I know enough to listen

Not wait my turn to glisten

I know enough to run

When things stop being fun

I don’t know enough to know

Exactly what I need to know

I know enough to see

Inside of me I’m free

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This poem reflects the inner struggle to let go of things and try to move forward.

What do I see

July 19, 2020

I look inside, what do I see

A stranger looking back at me

I want to know, I want to say

But I am stifled every day

Not black and white, but only gray

I try to hear my voices say

Good things, but only bad arrives

Like angry crows flying in my eyes

I can’t see past their deep dark lies

I guess I’ll have to compromise

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This was the fourth of ten poems for this day. This is a poem about searching within and remembering good things strangers say and do.

What will I find

July 19, 2020

What will I find, what will I see

When I talk to the you inside of me?

What keys have I lost that I just set down?

What keys have I missed by wearing a frown?

I want to progress, I want to learn more

I desperately want to see what’s behind every door

I hope that I see what is inside of me

I want to see more, but not from the floor

I found out from Zack, who got up off his back

That my calling is true, and it’s not even new

So I pray, and I say, help me, Lord, to stay

True to myself, true to my mission

May I do your will without any omission

I will stay true to my calling and not allow any falling

To keep me on the ground while you, Lord, are around

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We lived in hotels for a couple months, so my living room was an empty lobby shared with whoever was working third shift at the front desk. This night a 22-year-old young lady, who shared the same first name as my oldest grand-daughter, showed an interest in my art. This young lady changed my perspective about my new-found abilities.

Is this a poem

July 19, 2020

Is this a poem?

I don’t really gnome

I feel like I’m home

But I’m not really grown

What is art to me

is not art to others

So why do I fret

why do I bother?

I do what I do

for me and not you

So why do I care

when I get a blank stare

That fact is still unknown

But this, in fact, is a poem

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I noticed through my travels that the most serene people share a common perception of themselves. When we realize how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things, and realize we are not nearly as important to others as we believe, an uncommon peace settles in. This simple truth, different perspective, alludes most people I meet, unfortunately.

Travelers

July 19, 2020

We all are travelers

From outer space

The key is in the poem

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

The dirt is really home

From dust we start

And dust we’ll be

When the spirit moves

In and out of me

We think we’re less

Cause much distress

But cosmic dust are we

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I visited my elderly cousin in Fortuna California this year and she revealed a truth to me I did not know. As I told her about my inner voices, she revealed a common held belief that we have three distinct personalities in our heads. We have the parent telling us what to do, the child who is insecure and afraid, and the adult that is there to comfort the other two.

My child

July 19, 2020

Dear Lord, help me see

The wounded child inside of me

Tell that child

let him know

I got it now

So let it go

By the end of the day I was pretty medicated. I place a lot of emphasis on eyes and eye colors and I drew a weird picture of an eyball inside of the iris of another eyeball. I called the inner eye my MEYE.

Oh me, oh meye

July 19, 2020

Oh me, oh my

What is this in my eye?

Oh you, oh meye

Does this pain make you suffer?

Oh my, oh me

I just started to see

Oh meye, oh you

I wish you could see too

Oh me, oh meye

It is you in my eye

Oh me, oh you

I see me in yours too

Dear Lord above

I ask for your love

And deliver to me

A new family

A family to accept me for who I am

Not a family in which I will be damned

A family with love for the Lord up above

A family to pray and cloak me in their love

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Sometime during the day I discovered an answer to overunification in outer space. In other words, I figured out how to generate an unlimited supply of electricity in outer space, which would be another piece in the puzzle of Elon Musk's goal of populating Mars. I wrote this poem to remind me how to do it, in case I forget. The title is derived from a childhood dream Albert Einstein said lead him to the theory E=Mc2

Riding on a light beam

July 19, 2020

Spin on a wave

In zero gravity

In a vacuum

With a push

There will be

Nothing to stop

The centrifugal spin

Around in front

Around in back

Copper in between

To beyond and back

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I am a fixer, have been all my life. My dad was also a fixer, and a dang good one. This poem describes the conflict I go through when someone prefers the ugly choices in life rather than the beauty in front of them. I never understood why people make that choice, even though I've done it myself.

Where are you

July 20, 2020

Where are you comfortable,

On a feather bed?

Why are you more comfortable

On the hard concrete instead?

Where is the comfort zone,

Inside of your head?

Where can I take you next?

Tell me somewhere you won’t dread

Why are you so comfortable

Living in your head instead?

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Sarah and I stayed in Loveland Colorado for a night and decided to take a dip in the outdoor hot tub and watch the sun set over the snow capped mountains. Another couple joined us and the conversation ended up talking about being "a friend of Bill's."

A friend of Bills

July 23, 2020

I have taken drugs, I have taken pills

But I have never been a friend of Bills

Opioids, acid, speed, cocaine,

All of these drugs have been in my brain

Along with the demons, they drive me insane

Until the days that I realize I can get off of this train

I can do it alone, I don’t need any help down

And even if I did, it has never been around

So I stand, strong and true, like a real man must do

And I’ll never be blue, as long as I can help you

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As we headed back east we passed an interesting old town nestled in the Rocky Mountains. The architecture of an old cathedral compelled us to stop there for breakfast. Our waitress, Amber, had a tattoo on the inside of her wrist that read, "I have seen the future, and I am alive." A brief conversation lead me to write this poem for her and give her a copy. I pray this poem inspired her.

For Amber

July 24, 2020

When we want to feel up

We make ourselves feel down

When we want to show a smile

It comes out as a frown

I know there’s a force

In the universe for me

Now I found out praying

To it will set my mind free

I know that the bad I feel

Is never really me

So I will pray every day

And my mind will listen to me

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I have seen the future

And Amber is flourishing

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We stayed the night in Goodland Kansas. I noticed the plates on the van were Vermont plates that said "Vacationland." Reading this poem as it is meant, you need to use a southern drawl to get the feeling of it.

Life is

July 25, 2020

Life is good in Goodland

Life is great with my friend

Life’s a vacation in vacationland

Life’s a staycation with my friend

The day’s always great with my friend

I stay up late with my friend

I truly do love my best friend

A true friend to the end

That’s my friend

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I look for inspiration every day, and I try to help whoever the Lord puts in my path. By praying every day to be used as an open vessel to do good and spread smiles, I am blessed with happiness and a sense of accomplishment. I started writing these prayers to inspire others.

Good or bad

August 1, 2020

How many people say to you each day

“You have been like an angel sent my way”

It is not a hard thing to get people to say

And it is even easier if, like this, you pray

Dear Lord, I’m an open vessel for you today

Please give me discernment, and take my fears away

Help me minister to the homeless, the veterans, the few

Help me remember, these people are you

Give me the strength I need to do what is hard

While I praise your name loudly, for you are my Lord

I will fight every day to count you as my friend

I will pray every day and night till the end

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I found many folks on my travels that claimed to be empaths. As I talked to them and compared their stories to mine, I realized I may be an empath also. Realizing this made many confusing situations from my past make sense.

Empath

August 4, 2020

An empath are me; I can see you, all three

The Id, the Ego, and the one that is me

I see who you are, I know who I am

You see who I is, you know I’m a man

The voices I hear inside of my head

Aren’t the voices of those who have been long dead

The voices we hear inside of our head

Come from this realm, but spirits instead

And just like the people we all see around

The good and the bad in our head makes the sound

The triggers in life make each louder, you see

But listening to them is only truly up to me

I hear the good, the bad, the confused

But I’m not leaving my choice up to you

There is only one thing on which I can rely

And it watches over the earth, the water, and the sky

I get on my knees and I pray when I cry

To help me with the pain, help me to survive

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I was staying alone in Manitou Springs Colorado when I had a wild night with many different people. Over the past few months I noticed one disturbing trend, the "crazy" people I met aren't very different from me.

I see me

August 4, 2020

I look at you, and I see me

A disturbed person looking, but cannot see

I see you laugh, then cry, then scared

I see you angry, but you’re not there

When I’m alone, it’s you I see

Sitting in my chair, but it’s really me

I see you standing on corner, head drooped down with great despair

I see you standing in my mirror, feeling like life just isn’t fair

I see you speaking to your demons, disturbed and agitated, and just don’t care

I see you and I see me

Except for the clothes, I do not see

A difference or any dichotomy

So, am I crazy, or are you sane

Do either of us know what’s in our brain

What we know for sure, there is so much pain

So, before our lives go all the way down this drain

Let’s drop to our knees together and begin to pray

We will ask for guidance to keep our paths straight

We pray we do good, and don’t hesitate

We think doing these things will make afterlife great

But in the here and now, it is our choice to make

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The extreme emotional swings are evident throughout the poetry this summer. This is an example of those extreme swings. Through all the emotional swings, I never left the end without hope.

I think

August 4, 2020

I think you’re great, you really suck

You’re such an ass, I wish you luck

I love you so, I hate your guts

You make me smile; you drive me nuts

And after so many years of this

This is the stuff I will not miss

You left me, I never left you

You had me, I never had you

I showed you the tops of fluffy clouds

You crushed my heart, made me cry out loud

But when I view it from this side

My perspective of you, I can’t hide

The pain I’m feeling deep inside

Now remains unseen, and that makes me cry

I thought that I taught you how to fly

Which is what you did, and that makes me cry

Without you, now there’s a new pain inside

That for the rest of my life I will not hide

If you cannot see me for who I am

I guess I just do not give a damn

I am in this world to help others see

And that’s what deep inside of me

And so to this calling I will stay true

I wish it was your calling too

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